When you are a buyer how do you want to be treated? What matters to you? What do you believe salespeople care about when they meet you or greet you? Can you tell when they are trying to sell you something? Does what they say, the way they say it or the words they use matter much if you know they are trying to sell you something?

For years, salespeople have been taught what to say and how to say it as sales skills and sales techniques to increase sales. In sales seminars salespeople most often want to know what to say to handle objections and how to ask for an order that will increase their sales. Salespeople want to learn the steps and how to deliver or control the conversation so they can make a sale, then they want to repeat it over and over and hope it works on everyone.

Look at the results teaching and selling this way have created. Buyers don’t trust salespeople and salespeople don’t believe buyers. Teaching sales this way also increased salespeople’s intentions to make a sale stronger and their ability to engage and therefore serve people weaker.  All this has been while knowing sales needs to be a dialogue and salespeople need to build relationships to help people buy. Just think about the way this has been done…now keep reading.

Now, think about how people really communicate.  Most studies have found that as much as 93% of communication is non-verbal. Communication happens through all our senses and not just our hearing. In fact, most people’s weakest communication skill is listening. We can listen and take in input so much faster than people talk that most people are thinking and their thoughts are wondering while they should be listening.  So the words we use are one of our weakest communication tools. Or is it?

People are poor listeners and aren’t interested because they don’t believe the person talking cares about what they care about or don’t like and trust the person talking. So it is our misaligned intentions, our desire to convince them with what we say that weakens listening skills and makes people more interested in talking than listening.

Non-verbal communication is more than body language. It is energy, conviction, confidence and many other emotions that deliver the real message behind the words. It is generated from your intentions, what you want to have happen or receive from the engagement or conversation. Making a real connection and creating a conversation where a relationship forms always starts from a connection made from non-verbal communication coming from our intentions.

When two people engage each other they make many decisions about each other before a word is spoken. In fact, the studies have also found people decide if they like and trust someone within the first 8 to 40 seconds of meeting. This decision is made mostly through visual and sensory input that speaks to the brain stem and sends a gut feeling or intuitive sense and creates pre-conscious thoughts that allow or stifle open communication. When a positive connection is made between two people an open conversation can happen based on the preconscious decision to like and trust. This communication can lead to a positive fruitful relationship. If the preconscious thoughts are to not like or trust then a negative connection is made and a conversation may take place but it will not be open, honest or end in a fruitful relationship.

These realities about how people communicate are the reason salespeople need to be less interested in the words they use or how to talk to someone in a sales conversation and more concerned about the pre-conscious communication coming from their intentions.

If you are a salesperson, what are your intentions when you meet or greet someone in a business situation? What non-verbal communication are you sending? Should someone like you and trust you? Even if you are intent on uncovering their true needs and satisfying them, what is your real intention for doing that? If your intention is to sell someone, do you really expect them to like and trust you? If they don’t make that connection, are they likely to open up, share freely and allow you to find out what they really need or want? People only share their ‘why’ they want to buy with someone they believe intends to help them.

Most of the sales skills taught and learned by salespeople over the years are valid and can help them serve people but they won’t be effective if the person they are selling doesn’t decide they like them and trust them enough to open up and communicate freely. If selling is a dialogue and not a monologue then salespeople’s intentions have to change so a positive pre-conscious  connection occurs and allows a dialogue or exchange of information to happen.

The intention change needed to be liked and trusted enough to connect and communicate are the foundation of Making Customers™.

The steps of a sale become destinations on the buyers journey and happen naturally when a salesperson’s intentions align with the buyers. Salespeople become servants on a mission to help people and customers are made, sales increase, business grows and selling becomes the noble profession of helping and serving people it was intended to be.

To learn more about the intentions that make this happen and how to implement them, email me at mmoore@makingcustomers.com or call me at 858-354-2802.

By Mike Moore

Comments
  1. All the companies we talk to say it has been relationships that have gotten them through the last 3 years. We completely agree. Interesting also that if you are the expert and have something that the others don’t you become the pursued instead of the pursuer. Being the best and focusing on a niche that you can service well is the best thing you can do for you customer and in turn your company. Thank you Mike for always sharing your great insight with everyone.

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